It’s a strange question, and I can hear you ask, “What’s it got to do with mindset or mental health?” But stick with me.
Each of us at some stage or another has done a shoelace up too tight. When it happens, we take two or three steps and think, “Geez, that’s a bit tight, it feels uncomfortable, and if I don’t do something about it, it’s going to annoy me all day.”
So we stop what we’re doing, we undo the shoelace, adjust it, then go about our day. We don’t want to put up with suffering the discomfort of having our shoe on too tight, so we pause to make the change.
As humans, we are happy to tend to these physical discomforts without much effort or thought. When it comes to problems inside our heads (which are very real problems), or problems that seem to be beyond our control, or “too big”, we don’t always show the same level of self-care.
When chatting with clients, I often ask them if they can find a way to “loosen the shoelace” on all those other problems life seems to throw at us, the ones that make us feel stuck, anxious and stressed out.
That is to say: Is there one thing I can do right now that will make the situation a little easier, even if I can’t see the full big-picture solution?
Often we get caught up wanting to fix every aspect of a problem, but sometimes we can only take a step in the right direction. It’s up to us to trust that more steps will appear along the way (and they will), rather than staying stuck simply because we don’t have all the answers just yet.
Another question you can ask yourself is: Am I telling myself stories that are unhelpful and are making this problem worse?
Unfortunately, overthinking your problems never leads to solutions, it only leads to more problems. You can choose to observe but not indulge these thoughts by considering them “curious” or “interesting” but not in charge of anything. You can tell your inner narrator, “Thanks for your feedback, but I’m just not going there today”.
You may find it helpful to think about the 90-second rule when it comes to thoughts. According to neuroscientist Dr Jill Bolte Taylor, feelings come and go during the day, but chemically speaking the emotions they produce only last up to 90 seconds.
After that, we’re simply restimulating our internal circuitry by retelling negative stories.
What if, in those moments of anxiety, stress, discomfort or lack of self-belief, you simply stopped and asked yourself, “Have I paused to loosen the shoelace?”
Receive Stedo’s new articles by email